inspire perspire retire

running on empty is what it feels like. Just when I think I have it, I let it go and expect it to come back. I want to pull it in me and let it feel like the days when i was there. Walking along Whitmore to the courtyard to the house at the end. My head held in my hands and my breath sweet. The grass wet from the humidity and me trying to find a way to the back yard. Jumping over wooden fences. Passing by dark windows. And the light slants across the grass and I press my lips to whistle. My dream was simple. My heart was full of giving. And i was taking as much as I could swallow. I felt like the protagonist for the first time. I felt like Lloyd Dobler.
That'll never be me, that'll never be me. That'll never be, never be me. NO... NO, NEVER, NEVER, EVER. And don't you EVER THINK IT. I could have said those words to myself... I could have been Say Anything.

I was still aloud to scream when I wanted to. And aware that what i was doing was the first time and that it would not last forever. These days are there. These days are familiar and I love them more than any other. I can live something like that again. And do it right this time.